Red Eye

Posted on by
Reply

A word to the wise ain’t necessary- it’s the stupid ones that need the advice.~ Bill Cosby

I’m sitting in the airport waiting to board a flight that was delayed two hours. It’s currently 11PM. Having given you that warning, here’s the latest group of thoughts…

If you don’t speak English, you will be hard pressed to find an American ticket agent who can communicate with you. Yelling at them in your native tongue really doesn’t work.

If your flight gets cancelled, don’t expect anything. Apparently “acts of  God” include rain delays. The airline doesn’t owe you compensation for the delay.

TSA night shift does not necessarily represent the best and brightest within the agency.

McDonald’s is making a killing by staying open when all the other restaurants have closed.

Wearing your pajamas in public is still passé. Do everyone a favor. If you’re over the age of say, 8, at least try to get dressed.

Many words of wisdom are shared over French fries. Did you know that in the other parts of the world, soccer is called football and the sport is currently being celebrated in Brasil (Brazil, for us uneducated masses).

Stupidity is not a handicap. Get out of the stall meant for people with disabilities. Yeah, you with the 75 pound suitcase.

It’s still rude to stare.

What ever possessed you to attempt a red eye flight to the East coast with 5 young children in tow! No cruise is worth it!!!!

Airplanes have pretty, flashing lights.

I know why the video of the man singing “All by Myself” in an airport is so popular.

I’m really glad the airline clarified that the doors would close after final boarding call and will not be reopened. That’s really a good thing unless you’re on the plane when it lands and no one pops the lock.

I’m going to need a nap. Navigating NYC at 6:30AM is not going to be fun. Doing it while sleep deprived will make it even less fun.

Finally, no matter where you go, there you are. The airlines will make sure you understand this by making frequent, obnoxious announcements about gate changes, delays and, of course, cancellations. Enjoy your flight.

 

 

On my Mind

Posted on by
Reply

She had been doing this for some time when a man approached her and said, “Little girl, why are you doing this? Look at this beach! You can’t save all these starfish. You can’t begin to make a difference!”

The girl seemed crushed, suddenly deflated. But after a few moments, she bent down, picked up another starfish, and hurled it as far as she could into the ocean. Then she looked up at the man and replied, “Well, I made a difference to that one!”

 

I’m just going to throw this one out there. Mental health is just as important as physical health. Study after study shows that people who take care of all aspects of their health live longer, more fulfilling lives. Like many health related things, however, people don’t want to talk about it.

So I’m going to talk and hope at least one person listens. In the last two months, several people I care about have become so disillusioned with life that they decided suicide was the only way out. While I’m not an expert, I’ve been there myself and walked with many others who have felt this way. I’m not going to sugarcoat things here with the hope that at least one person understands what I’m saying.

At the time a person reaches this point, the sense of reason is gone. There is literally nothing visible to the individual aside from release. It’s like tunnel vision or wearing blinders. Distraction is almost impossible because the fixation on relief is so strong. If someone is well and truly only focused on the relief, there is not much anyone can do to stop the inevitable conclusion. You can try to talk someone off the ledge, but a truly determined individual will not hear you.

Which brings me to my next point. We’re social beings. If you start to see a friend withdraw, ask why. This is the time your words may be heard. Waiting until the cries for help become so obvious they can’t be ignored is too long. Engage your friends on a regular basis. Check on each other and listen instead of thinking about your next activity. Just imagine if we all paid as much attention to the people around us as we do to celebrities. Everyone’s well-being would improve.

The flip side of this is to recognize when you are over your head. Some people need more help than others. While a chat or a hug may help someone regain a wider view, it’s just not possible for everyone to bounce back as easily. The airline advisory to put your own mask on first is so true. If you become fixated on helping someone who doesn’t want help, you can go down as well. Especially if the person is ultimately successful despite your efforts.

Ironically, mental health professionals are some of the lowest paid individuals and yet they carry such a huge responsibility. My insurance only reimburses up to about 1/3 of what they pay my physicians. As my news feed becomes plugged up with stories about how mental illness is to blame for most shootings, I just think about how great it would be if we not only had the professionals, but also the respect for the profession. Money isn’t everything, but everyone has bills and it would be nice if the people we hope will step up could be compensated accordingly.

Many years ago a movie titled “Crocodile Dundee” screened across America. The title character is from Australia and ends up in America. He has a conversation about life’s troubles with the female lead who mentions her therapist. And the words he spoke “don’t you talk to your mates (friends)?” still reverberates in my mind. We have all become so busy that we have forgotten about our mates. In this crazy, self-absorbed society we have left our friends to fend for themselves. And that is just not cool.

For those of you who contemplate relief on a regular basis, I urge you to seek out professional help now. For those of you who think, but don’t act, reach out. There are many avenues out there available to you. Sometimes you just need to see around the next corner. For those of you who think you’re immune, I ask you to share your strength. Engage with your friends and community. Help others see the sunny side of life.

We’re all in this together. Don’t place blame. Shaming people because you think they’re weak is not okay either. You don’t know what is up next in your life. Or how well you will cope with the next curveball life throws you. It’s okay to ask for help. It’s okay to offer help. Don’t shy away from someone because they have hit a bump. You may be the one who makes a difference.

 

Challenges

Posted on by
Reply

Truth is, I’ll never know all there is to know about you just as you will never know all there is to know about me. Humans are by nature too complicated to be understood fully. So we can choose either to approach our fellow human beings with suspicion or to approach them with an open mind, a dash of optimism and a great deal of candor.~ Tom Hanks

 

I discovered this past week that I have not been communicating as clearly as I could have been. I’m sure many of you have read blogs about what people with chronic illness want you to do. But, it seems that the affected person needs to do some things as well. Here’s my new list:

Never apologize for who you are. It gets on people’s nerves.

Stay in touch with the people you want in your life. If you make the effort, so will they.

Focus on the relationship, not your problems. Unless the person has specifically asked, they don’t want a medical tutorial.

It’s ok to say no. Just try to reschedule as soon as possible.

Friends want to be with you but may feel awkward. Acknowledge that you understand and ask them if they have questions you  can answer.

Focus on things you can do. Enjoy the time you have together with no regrets.

Finally, it’s not all about me. Relationships are two-way streets. Everyone has challenges and wants to talk about them. Don’t trivialize their concerns/situations just because you “have it worse.” It’s not a contest.

Come to think of it…this list applies to everyone. Whenever you hit a speed bump, keep these things in mind and hopefully you’ll get past that bump quickly.

Peanuts, pickles and pig trotters

Posted on by
Reply

I feel like when people judge me they’re not judging me, because they don’t know who I am.~ Gisele Bundchen

I know this post is going to upset some people and that’s okay. You can’t stir a pot without expecting some spill over. I hope if you respond viscerally, that you can stop and breathe before you judge.

I have a chronic illness that impacts all areas of my life. The formal diagnosis is segmental digestive tract paralysis complicated by gastroparesis and hereditary angioedema, In layman’s terms, that means that my gut no longer works. Peristalsis is almost non-existent and I rely on gravity to keep things moving through. I live with chronic pain that would put many of you in the hospital. I am also insulin-dependent diabetic, hypothyroid and have had a TBI that affects my speech, memory and balance.

Just for the record, there is no cure for diabetes. Changing lifestyle and diet can help, but it won’t cure the disease. There is no cure for thyroid masses that cause you to have your thyroid removed. There is no cure for physical trauma to the vagas nerve that controls everything that happens in the abdomen. There is no cure for the effects of traumatic brain injury. There is no cure for autoimmune disorders. There are no cures for the genetic defects that cause random things to happen in my body.These are facts that you can google-doc all you want.They aren’t changing.

Recently, a number of non-medical people have been offering advice on how to cure my various illnesses. Apparently, my consumption of Diet Coke will kill me (okay, but I suspect something else will beat it to that point). If I only ate a vegan diet, I would be fine ( except for the surgery that would be required to remove the food from my stomach). Paleo would be perfect (except that much protein would kill off my kidneys). If I drank Shakeology (yes, I’m picking on it by name) all my symptoms would disappear (um yeah, after another surgery to fix the damage caused by the ingredients) . The only thing that would disappear is money from my wallet.

Eat more kale, mix honey and cinnamon, soak my feet in Listerine, drink aloe juice, drink vinegar, detox from copper, try acupuncture and chiropractic. Meditate, pray, turn my life over to a higher power. Whatever you do, make sure that Western medicine isn’t part of it!

Seriously. I have multiple diagnoses. If you believe I haven’t at least looked into other treatments, you don’t know me very well. Just because you know someone who has a similar set of diagnoses does not mean you know much about me. I acknowledge your need to “fix”  me. But, sometimes there is no fix.

So, please, just stop. I have enough to deal with in my life that I don’t need to know your great, great-aunt on your mother’s father’s side of the family was cured by eating pig trotters. Your advice may be offered out of thoughtfulness, but it comes across as judgment.

Live and let live people. You can’t fix everything. You are not being “negligent” by keeping your “cures” to yourself. I’m glad pig trotters worked for you. Now let me be as I keep trying to stay alive with the best quality of life I can have.

Top 8 Diagnostic myths for Adult Females with Asperger Syndrome: A Brief Look

Posted on by
Reply

A very perceptive article on Aspergers and females:

Tania A. Marshall, M.Sc., Clinical Psychotherapist and Trainer/Presenter's avatarWelcome to Aspiengirl

Image

Over the years, I have listened to the stories and narratives females across the lifespan. In working with and supporting females on the Autism Spectrum, I have personally learned alot. With their permission, I am and will be sharing their stories, thoughts and quotes, at times in blogs and mostly in my book series. Amongst the stories and narratives of adult women, research and personal clinical anecdotal experience, I have come across some common diagnostic myths. What follows is a brief summary of my Top 8 Diagnostic myths I have most commonly heard.

MYTH:  You can’t have Asperger Syndrome because you are female.                                                                                                                                  FACT:  Females of all ages can and do have Asperger Syndrome (AS). Females with AS are in every country and they usually have a distinctive profile. The gender statistics are approximately 2:1 for male:female, and well may be 1:1 in the future, as we find out more…

View original post 510 more words

Courage

Posted on by
Reply

Courage is being scared to death… and saddling up anyway.~ John Wayne

Having a disability is challenging in more ways than most people can imagine. I choose to use a service dog to help with my disabilities. It’s not as easy as some people think. Aside from countless hours of training a canine to help me, I have also had to learn how to help people understand how Blizzard and I work as a team. Some days I’m more diplomatic than other days. I have a list of snappy comebacks to many of the snide comments I hear every day. And then ,there are the “situations” we find ourselves in when we least expect something to happen. The following is a social media post, reposted with permission, that my friend Karyn B. wrote this morning:

Some of you know that I have had a bit of tense history with an elderly gentleman, a Korean War Veteran, who is a patron at my pharmacy. I have had three very unpleasant encounters him regarding Silas. Being we have not crossed paths in quite some time, I assumed the pharmacy warning to compose himself came to fruition and resulted in his transfer to another pharmacy. No, and I quivered as I parked my car and thought I recognized his truck. I am glad I chose to go inside. As Silas and I rounded the corner to the pharmacy, there he was. Scowling. Mumbling in a grunting manner. One eye one me and one eye on Silas. The pharmacist simply said, “Mr ?, that is a service team. You must ignore them.” The man looked at Si and looked back at the pharmacist and said, “She needs to keep that monster bastard away from me.” As if my mouth ran on new Energizer batteries, “Sir, he’s not a bastard, he was an orphan. I am certain you have killed more people than he has, and he is no less a survivor than you. He serves me with the same diligence you served our country. And, his name is Silas, not monster.” Yes, everyone heard the pin drop. My hands were shaking and my voice trembling. I actually had nervous tears in my eyes. I went silent. He checked out, then took a seat. I made my purchase and turned to leave. In a slow, arthritic rise, he stood up and came to me. He said no other words as he walked directly beside Si with the same prong cane he instigated and threatened Silas with before. We exited the sliders as if we went into the store together. The man stood waiting as I had Silas load. I did feel uneasy, uncomfortable with him so near. The man then opened my door for me. I thanked him. He didn’t smile. He didn’t respond, but his actions spoke a million words These are the moments that make life so beautiful. Brave, yet simple and pure.
You don’t need a cape to be a superhero…just the courage to face your challenges with grace and dignity.

Woof, Woof

Posted on by
Reply

The dogs with the loudest bark are the ones that are most afraid.~Norman Reedus

Most people who really know me would tell you I’m a logical, methodical thinker. I’ve been this way for as long as I can remember. I look at situations from many different perspectives, analyze the information and choose a path that leads to the desired conclusion. To some, this comes across as manipulative or scheming. To others, it seems to be a knack for predicting outcomes. I found out tonight that to yet others, I appear defensive.

Oh yes. I was drawn into a service dog drama. For those not familiar with these incidents, they occur when one person feels they have the “right” perspective on something related to service dogs. Much like any discussion on a topic people are passionate about, there are always opposing views. I don’t think it’s unique to discussions about service dogs yet it seems that there is more baiting and needling within this community.

I’m sure many of you are familiar with the “lies, damn lies, and statistics” methodology. In short, the more “facts” you can throw out, the more convincing you appear. The problem is, anyone can find “facts” to back up their position. Information flows freely through the Internet and you can find other people who perceive things the same way you do with just a few keystrokes. Just because you have more “facts” in your argument does not make your argument more valid.

In my experience the harder you push for your “facts” to be believed by others, the more you have to hide. It’s one thing to take a stand and state your beliefs. It is an entirely different thing to intentionally mislead and knowingly agitate people just for fun. In my book, that just makes you a bully.

So read the quote above. Think about the people who push “facts” at you and remember that a loud bark does not necessarily indicate confidence. Sometimes it’s just a distraction to keep you from pursuing independent thought.

 

My Lifeline

Posted on by
Reply

I’m going to keep this one short. I know many other people who have spoken quite eloquently on this subject. But, after three incidents in the last week, I feel I need to say something.

Service dogs are not pets. They are not trained to provide amusement. These dogs provide essential service to people with disabilities. Don’t ask me what tricks my dog knows. The answer is none. It’s not polite to stare. It’s not polite to pry into the person’s background. It’s not appropriate to interrupt the team.

Please don’t tell your child to pet the “nice doggy.” Don’t feed my dog, even dog treats, without asking me first. Don’t whistle as we pass. Don’t tell the people you’re walking with that the handler is “special.”

Understand that while there are many, many studies showing the positive impact that pets have on humans, it is not appropriate to call your pet a service dog just so you can take s/he with you everywhere. Taking advantage of a law that protects disability rights just makes people like that schmucks.

I listened to a small dog bark on an airplane for almost two hours. I saw a dog poo in an airport and the owner walked away. Blizzard was almost bitten yesterday by a “service dog.”

So, please. Just once respect the law. I know you love your dog. I have two pets that I love too. But, your decision to take your pets into public is wrong. You are breaking the law.

I was once asked the difference between a pet and a service dog. The answer is clearly defined by federal law. The service dog performs tasks to mitigate a disability. Stupidity and ignorance are not disabilities.

For more information, please read:  http://www.ada.gov/service_animals_2010.htm

Also feel free to read more about the impact of pets in public:

http://www.anythingpawsable.com/10-things-service-dog-handlers-want-know/

http://www.anythingpawsable.com/fake-service-dog-complications/

http://spooniemindfulnessmatters.wordpress.com/2014/04/08/service-dogs-vs-pets-written-by-my-friend-tina/