Middle turns 22 today. It’s the second year he hasn’t been home for me to do the traditional birthday celebration. Sending a cake would be very messy. Convincing his roommate to string up balloons and banners would be hard. So a box of goodies went in the mail.
I want to say how proud I am of Middle. He is working in a small field of study. No easy routes to success. Hard work followed by more hard work. It’s funny when we try to talk about what he’s doing since the topic is so far outside of my understanding. He still laughs at my attempts to understand. A good thing, I guess.
Today I hope he looks back and sees how far he’s come. I hope he hears all of us cheering him on. It’s not been an easy or perfect path, but it is his path. And I’m really proud of him.
I think we all struggle with this. The situations are never cut and dried, so a template is useless. But we can learn from each other. We can learn through experience. It may not be fun, but it is possible.
I find that reading body language gives me mixed results. Is someone mad at me or restless when they have their arms crossed? Are they laughing with me or at me? Did it suddenly go quiet? Was it something I said or did?
Here’s what I have learned. Stop thinking YOU did something. It sets off a negative cycle that can end up in a really awkward place. Instead, move the conversation forward or excuse yourself (oh, hey, I see Frank over there!). Don’t dwell on it. There’s plenty of time while you are trying to fall asleep.
Something happened today. It wasn’t earth-shattering. But it did help me understand more of the current conversation around having disabilities “erased” by the media and society.
I was in a public location. I found the two-stall restroom…one for disabled individuals, one for non-disabled individuals. Both were occupied and one person was in line in front of me.
I had my service dog with me. I was toting my backpack with my IV medication in it. The people in the bathroom had just come from a meeting we were all attending.
The disabled stall became available. The person in line in front of me took it, leaving me the other stall. The one that wouldn’t fit both my service dog and me. One that I had to put my backpack in my lap just to use the toilet.
I put my dog into a stay just outside the stall. The non-disabled individual started talking loudly about the dog being loose in the bathroom. All I’m trying to do is take care of business.
Later, in the meeting room, our eyes met. There was no apology. Just a sort of condemnation in her eyes.
She could have waited the 20 seconds and taken the other stall. I guess I could have waited the two minutes to use the disabled stall. But….I really feel she should have been the one waiting. Courtesy. Giving the disabled person the space to take care of business would have been the right thing to do.
For those who take the time to read this, and don’t “need” to use the disabled stall, please consider who else may be waiting. Sure, everyone would like the stalls to be larger. Some of us NEED the larger stalls. Be courteous. Thank you.
Editor’s note: This is a true story. No allegory intended.
Youngest took a summer internship at our local zoo. It’s been two weeks and every day we learn more about the animals she is responsible for supervising. Today, even though giraffes and lions are her assigned area, she was helping out in the American porcupine exhibit.
One of the porcupines (there are 2) recently had surgery and is on “vet watch.” This entails a keeper having eyes on the porcupine all day long. It turns out that this particular porcupine likes to stick his paws in crevices. And he gets stuck…alot. Her job was to get him unstuck.
The porcupine also enjoys climbing trees like a sloth instead of like a porcupine. He gets stuck about three feet off the ground. The keeper is supposed to go tap on his claws to remind him to move. Hold that thought….
As Youngest is sitting in the rain, making sure the porcupine doesn’t get stuck, a zoo patron comments to his young son about the “intern in the wild.” Youngest wears a shirt that boldly states “INTERN” across the back. Another patron comes by and asks her if she’s worried about “being shot” by quills. Youngest, in her nicest voice, informs the patron that according to the information sign RIGHT THERE, porcupines do not actually shoot quills. Besides, she has heavy-duty work gloves just in case she has to handle the porcupine.
As youngest relates this story, she keeps referring to the porcupine as “naughty.” Hence, the naughty porcupine. Ah, the joys of the animal kingdom.
Nobody likes being scammed. Knowing that someone has told you a story that is not entirely true in order to convince you to give them money leaves us all feeling angry and insulted. Rightly so. We …
Stressed out, running late, racing down the interstate
Spilled hot coffee, down the front of my jeans
It’s work, work, pay the rent, money and my time’s spent
Not a minute left for me to be me~ Kenny Chesney, Live a Little
Today, Eldest turns 23. Three months ago, she left home for a job. We expected this since becoming employed is the end goal of attending college. Still, it’s a bit quiet around here.
Now she’s building her own life in a little town in the middle of nowhere USA. She works the late shift, comes home, sleeps, trains her dog, and does it over again. In between there are grocery runs and a few other errands. She’s active on social media and is working on keeping her language skills up in hopes of landing a better job. And she reads. Lots.
Today I hope she will be able to take a few minutes for herself. Just do nothing. I’m not sure the dog will cooperate, so he may need to be included. Take a small piece of time and just breathe. Think about how much you’ve done and not worry about how much is left to do. Be proud of everything you’ve accomplished. Try not to get wrapped up in things so you can’t enjoy those few moments.
Bask. Yes, bask. Ten years ago you were getting ready to start high school. Blink and here you are. Twenty-three years ago you didn’t even know your name. It sure goes fast when you look at how time moves. I love every minute of being your Mom.
Here’s to you. To new adventures. To taking a moment to be amazed by yourself. To savor all that has passed. To dream about what is to come. To take a few minutes away from rushing around and just breathe.
And then, eat chocolate. Love you!
I’m not blue. I’m Autistic. I’m not a puzzle piece. I’m a person. You won’t find me supporting A$….ever. Why? Because I’m not a disease to be cured. I’m not a voice to be silenced. I see the world a bit differently. And that is just fine. Why are you hearing my voice now? Because too many people think they are helping Autistics by supporting a charity that despises Autistics.
Give locally to programs that support families. Do your research. Is your money really going to do what you expect? Or did you just help pay for someone to present a “speech” about an epidemic that doesn’t exist. I’ve seen parts of the organization’s budget where they spend more money on catering than they do on helping Autistics. Yep, you just paid for a sandwich. Feels good, right?