Ashes to ashes

Will you stand above me?
Look my way? Never love me?
Rain keeps falling, rain keeps falling
Down, down, down ~Simple Minds

It’s been a rough week. Today is only Tuesday. I’ve been trying to have a discussion with a local medical provider, aka hospital. for 2 months. Brief backstory is that I had a procedure done in January that was supposed to make things easier. The surgery failed in a spectacular way. It had to be redone. I followed the plan of care I was given, but apparently that’s not enough.

I have this crazy idea that hospitals are places of compassion and understanding. Places people go for healing and holding the hands of people mourning loss. Unicorns and butterflies everywhere. Unfortunately, they’re not. I know the COVID pandemic is raging on and our health care workers are trying to keep up. But, the further away from a patient a staff member is, the bigger the plate of superiority is served.

The first email I sent, I said I wasn’t expecting much. And the gentleman didn’t disappoint. I had hope after the phone conversation with a patient advocacy supervisor, She seemed to understand. The second letter put everything squarely on my shoulders. Apparently, I am supposed to be grateful to receive care. This Chief Medical Officer stated clearly that I caused the problem because I require a specific, but common pain medication. Thus, I am now a seeker because I won’t take something that’s on my allergy list. I also have unmet behavioral health needs. I’m guessing because I left before that could commit me. I went in for an x-ray to show that I needed to be fixed and to see what I could do stop the bleeding. So, the equivalent of a broken arm. And it’s all my fault,

Today, I discovered there is basically a “do not treat” order that pops up at my visits. Stabilize and kick me out. The sick side of this is my doctor read it gleefully. Then the doctor brought on his supervisor so they could dump me as a patient. Honestly no big loss to me. I went at my PCM’s request. 4 years ago. Whatever.

Throughout all of this, these was no mention of the original issue. No responsibility. It’s all my fault. It’s incredible that people with knowledge of one specific area directs my care. That because I dared to ask a question, I’m now persona non grata. Behind me is a trail of smoke. That would be the bridges on fire.

So yes, they will stand above me. The rain will still fall. Eventually, a nice warm breeze will swirl this nastiness away. I can dream.