Judge Not

For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.~ Sir Isaac Newton’s Third Law of Physics

Being who I am is complicated. If you nudge on part of me, something else shifts. Medically, this drives my doctors nuts because things happen that shouldn’t happen. Mentally, this is incredibly taxing. Trying to keep my ship on an even keel is a whole lot of work.

It’s not all done by me though. My family, especially my spouse, are fabulous. During my recent illness, I was in the land of “not fun” for about a week. It was really not fun for my spouse.

I’m starting to somewhat understand the talking heads that want to empathize with caregivers when they snap. In the last few days, I’ve found out that caring for me when I’m not well is hard. One friend said it was weird seeing me act mentally ill. Yes, that was an educational opportunity right there. The point is, I’m starting to “get it.”

That does not mean I condone the actions of those who snap and take it out on their charges. As I don’t remember about a week of my illness, I think I can safely speak for the people who rely on others to care for them, even when it’s really hard. There is pain and regret that I am so “hard” to care for sometimes. I feel remorse for putting my spouse through “hell.” I don’t remember the specific incidents, but I can hear the pain in people’s voices as they gently try to fill in the blanks for me.

Now imagine a person who can’t communicate as I am able. I feel all those things and can’t express them. Those are very powerful feelings to keep bottled up. So when I act up, I’m not trying to be difficult. I just don’t have any other way of letting you know what’s going on with me.

Empathizing with people and feeling compassion towards others are good things. They keep us human. Those qualities and the actions spurred within you balance out the people who don’t share those qualities and make life that much more difficult for others. Just don’t move into apologizing for others. It’s not your job.

The recent murders/attempted murders of disabled children were choices made by their caregivers. They were choices. The caregivers must now face the equal and opposite reaction of their behavior. We cannot define what those caregivers should feel. We cannot judge those caregivers. We can hold them accountable for their actions. And that is what keeps us as a society in balance.

Tears from Heaven

It’s a sad day. You see, another child has been murdered by his mother. London McCabe was just 6 years old when his mother threw him off a bridge last night in Oregon. People should be outraged that another child died at the hand of his parent.  London had Autism and the media is already portraying his murder as his own fault.

Please, stop using “but” in your stories. There is no “but.” There is no excuse, especially not claiming that London’s disability drove his mother to murder him. The only time I see “but” in stories about parents murdering their kids is when the child is disabled. THERE IS NO “BUT!”

Today in particular I am angry to see London’s story alongside ballot measures….political actions…across the United States…that are attempts to define the value of human life. I don’t care what “choice” you are. Before you get all up in arms about “personhood” think about what you are willing to do to help the people who are already born…already in peril…already in need.

An innocent 6 year-old child was murdered last night because he had a disability. Any of you could become disabled in a blink of an eye. Do you want to be murdered?