I was once like you are now, and I know that it’s not easy,
To be calm when you’ve found something going on.
But take your time, think a lot,
Why, think of everything you’ve got.
For you will still be here tomorrow, but your dreams may not.~ Cat Stevens

I started a new job last week. I want to share how it feels to be on the outside looking in. I wasn’t introduced to anyone. Secret Santa was starting. I was not added to the “all” list for work emails until a week after I started. The first person to speak with me, other than my boss, threw me under the bus in front of my boss and my students. By the time a teacher in the same department pulled me aside to speak with me, I had already decided to put on my big girl panties and drive on. At an all staff meeting, no one introduced me. Inside jokes were flying all around me and yet, I was invisible.

My boss gave me a gift bag yesterday. Inside was a snow globe and some candy. I appreciate the gesture and the recognition that perhaps it had been noticed I was on the outside. The snow globe, oddly enough, sticks with me. What a perfect metaphor for how I feel. Everything looks picture perfect from the outside.

The truth is, there is not an “in” crowd.” What looks perfect from where you are is flawed. Yes, it hurts to be left out. It hurts to know there’s something going on. I can’t stop that hurt. But I can decide how long I’m going to feel it.

It’s not easy. Putting on my happy face takes a lot of effort. The longer I have to keep it on, the more it wears me down. As an aside, being Autistic means I get left out. And I feel it more deeply than you might imagine. I would so dearly love to be invited to things. I relate well to how kids feel when they’re left out of games at school or when they aren’t invited to parties.

Back to me being in control of how I feel. It’s true. No one can make me happy except me. But, it sure would be nice to have some help. We wonder why so many people hurt themselves and others. Just imagine the pain they must be in to go to those lengths. Wouldn’t it help you be happy to know that your invitation, even if it’s just to sit at an “in” table at lunchtime, relieved some of that pain? That your small gesture eased someone’s pain? I can tell you that what seems small to you may be enormous to someone like me.

Your challenge: Think of everything you’ve got. Remember the snow globe. See if you can help someone feel welcome. You might be surprised at how good it feels to you as well.

I have a wild fantasy that one day people will understand the power of words. I see lots of quotes and memes on social media that indicate people do still understand the power of words. Or, maybe not. Maybe it just sounded good to them at the time. When Maya Angelou died earlier this year, one person commented that they were tired of seeing her quotes in their news feed because they weren’t relevant. Others chimed in with her message would always be relevant. Now, if only those same people would try to walk the talk.

Words have meaning. Words are powerful. Words can inspire. Words can hurt. Words can soothe.

Two points here. First, if it means enough for you to say or write it, please try to use words correctly. I’m tired of trying to decipher “texting” language. It is not okay to use that shorthand outside of texting on your phone. Your message gets watered down or lost when you resort to substituting numbers for letters or leaving out vowels. This shorthand is like playing Wheel of Fortune. Pick a vowel and see if the words make sense.

Second point. We all have the power to hurt each other. Three days ago, I found myself in a verbal challenge with a student. I opted to go with trying to connect through positive language and reframing my requests to complete work. The student responded by telling me to F* off. The next day I tried again, starting out with explaining respect and expressing my understanding of the student’s frustration. The student responded by calling me stupid. I had been instructed to report non-compliance to the administration. When the student’s parent was contacted, the student started crying. All this turmoil over words.

Your challenge: Think about your words. If you really mean it, say whatever is on your mind. If you’re just trying to “be cool,” consider the hurt you may cause. Try to understand the power of your words.

There is something beautiful about all scars of whatever nature. A scar means the hurt is over, the wound is closed and healed, done with. ~ Harry Crews

I led an active life for many years. I’m looking at my hands as I type this, noting the rabbit bite, the parrot bite, the scar from a broken wrist and the dog bites. Multiple kitchen accidents are also seen in the white marks on my hands. There’s the slightly twisted finger from when I ruptured a tendon. There’s also the “writer’s dent” from firmly holding pens and pencils over the years. Reminders, every one. Little memories that usually make me smile, because they remind me of things I loved.

Now there are also medical scars. IV puncture marks. Ghostly outlines from where tape was applied and carelessly removed. The two 3″ long angry red scars from my implanted ports. The raised keloids from so many surgeries. They also tell a story. These scars illustrate what I’ve gone through to get here. The pain and struggles that most people know nothing about because I keep them hidden.

I hide other scars too. I’ve been and still am bullied. I have flashbacks to not so pleasant experiences. There are some parts of my mind that I consider dark recesses. I think of my mind as a large closet, with each memory tucked away in a box. Some boxes I keep sealed in many layers of tape. Others I gleefully open on a daily basis.

All these scars are part of me. I’m not ashamed of any of them. To me, there is no difference between a scar acquired from a physical injury and one acquired by an emotional injury. They both remind me of how much I’ve grown and changed over the years.

Don’t be afraid of scars. Everyone has at least one.

I was once like you are now, and I know that it’s not easy,
To be calm when you’ve found something going on.
But take your time, think a lot,
Why, think of everything you’ve got.
For you will still be here tomorrow, but your dreams may not.~ Cat Stevens

I’m going to write this in general terms. You can decide the applicability for yourself.

When things don’t go your way, it’s not necessarily an injustice. Stuff goes one way or the other. It’s the way life works.

You can choose to become angry and throw a temper tantrum. You can choose to gloat. You can choose to validate your actions in the name of justice. Those are choices available to all of us.

Just remember that there are consequences for every choice you make. You can’t jump off a bridge and expect to not hit the ground. You can’t drive willy-nilly on the freeway and expect that nothing will happen. You can’t throw a punch and expect no return hit.

You can choose to find positive ways to express your feelings. You can choose to think things through instead of following your impulses. You can choose to not get caught up in public hysteria. You can choose to read all the information and make your own decisions instead of cherry picking what fits your mood.

With so much turmoil in the world today, it’s hard not to get swept up in the swirling currents of public opinion. It takes some effort to think and come up with your own words instead of using catch phrases intended to stir people up. I encourage you to take the time.