I have a hard time with plans. I like to know what I’m doing and when. I will spend hours working out schedules. Most people think I fly by the seat of my pants. I actually plan different scenarios and see which one pans out.
I guess I like knowing the possibilities. I gather information and stash it away for when it might be useful. I wouldn’t say I’m inflexible, at least to everyone else. But I need my plans.
So when my plans fall apart, I struggle. A lot. Because my plans usually involve other people, I try not to let anyone down. And become self-critical when others change their plans. What did I do wrong? Did I offend someone? Did I say something out of line? Yes, it’s always about me. I accept responsibility for things that are not even mine in the first place. It’s not an ego thing. It’s more of a security blanket type thing. If I know what’s coming, I can plan for it.
I guess this is my routine that is the strongest as far as Autism goes. I have many tools for coping with it, including writing this blog. I’ve tried shifting my thoughts to more of a “let it roll” philosophy, but I always come back to the land of plans.
So please, dear readers, know that changing plans is hard for many people. If you can’t or don’t want to do something, please speak up. Kindly, of course. My plans, and sometimes my sanity, are counting on you.