Category Archives: Uncategorized

Open Mind Without Inserting Foot

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The only source of knowledge is experience.~ Albert Einstein

Oh, this quote could take me down so many roads…from watching new parents struggle with the new normal in their lives, hearing stories of success from the families I help support in the education system, guiding my own children as they journey to adulthood. To me knowledge is hard-won through experience. You can read books (an experience), become involved in something (more experience) or try something new (experience). It’s all in the perspective.

I wonder sometimes if the quality of the experience affects the value of the knowledge. If my school teacher (read college professor) hasn’t worked directly with elementary age students in over 10 years, how valuable is their experience today? Does the new influx of information add or detract from previously learned knowledge? That’s probably too philosophical and abstract, which means it’s best filed under keep it in my head for now.

Tomorrow, I will present my knowledge, gained through research and personal experience, to an individual who may or may not be receptive to the information. I’m no professional in the field I’m presenting and the individual is. My task is to make this information palatable so the professional can see and think from my perspective. Am I the only one who plans out these things?

I doubt it. When the message is near and dear, we all think about the best way to convince others we have at least part of the answer. For some, it’s a matter of pride. For others it’s seriously questioning the established “chain of command.” You need look no further than your news casts or social media platforms to see this playing out on an hourly basis right now.

I’m just hoping that if I leave big enough breadcrumbs, this professional will follow the trail and consider what I’m saying. I’m hoping the individual sets aside the need to be right and recognizes that I am the most invested person in the process and therefore the most devoted to the outcome. I’m hoping the individual’s prejudices can be set aside long enough for my message to be heard. That’s a lot of ifs and hopes to expect.

The next time you find yourself trying to present information, think about your audience. What can you do to make sure your voice is heard? Take the time to prepare. This applies to school, work, recreational activities and social lives. Give some leeway in your interpretations to provide an opportunity for the other person to be heard. You can be strong in your convictions, but opening yourself to new ideas can help you understand that there is a wide spectrum of ideas and some just might make sense.

Trust in the Information Age

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Trust, but verify.~Ronald Reagan

In this age of instant “friendships” and split-second communication, it all to easy to find yourself questioning decisions. A handshake used to be enough to seal the deal, mainly because you had spent enough time with someone to know they weren’t selling you oceanfront property in Iowa. Now, I have an elderly women, supposedly dying from cancer, who wants to give me millions if I would just be so kind as to provide my banking information.

I found out today that a certain social media platform is sending out “friend” requests on my behalf to people I don’t know. Well, I do sort of know them as they are “friends” of “friends.” But, I didn’t make these requests and now I have messages asking me who I am and what do I want. I think it’s great these people are skeptical enough to send me a message before confirming the request and I hope everyone affected does, because it sure would be weird to have these people start showing up in my news feed. It would also be time-consuming to check my “friends” list every day to make sure nothing has changed without my permission.

So how do we develop trust when we don’t meet people in person? How do we know what information is “safe” to disclose and what we should hold back? At what point can we determine if a “friend” is trustworthy? I’ve seen so much in the last 4 years that probably ought not to have been posted in public. No, I’m not talking about the Miley Cyrus incident, although that certainly qualifies.

The Declaration of Independence uses the words “we hold these truths to be self-evident” to describe basic human rights. I believe many people think their personal lives fall under those very same words. We are supposed to believe that no one stretches the truth, that everyone is the person they claim to be and that every story told is true. Another old saying pops in to my head…”caveat emptor” or buyer beware.

Trust takes time, much more than a few exchanges via email. Even after you have decided to trust a “friend,” you may still find deceit and heartache down the road. Like relationships in real life, online relationships are fraught with pitfalls. In some ways, they are like dominoes. One person disagrees with you and suddenly you find yourself either a target of online attacks (much like schoolyard bullying) or massive “unfriending.” I have been left wondering what I did to someone to be “unfriended” only to discover that it’s because I’m “friends” with someone else. Seriously, it reminds me of the days of nanabooboo on the playground.

I suggest that we all take a step back and consider what trust means to us. I trust that my phone bill will show up every month. I trust that there really are only two certain things in life…death and taxes. I trust some people more than others, either because they have earned my trust through walking the talk or because they appear to be inherently “good” people. You won’t find me posting every little detail of my life on any social media platform. If I did, I’m sure the Nigerian official looking to move money out of his crumbling economy would want to speak with me.

Who are you?

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Well, who are you? (Who are you? Who, who, who, who?)
I really wanna know (Who are you? Who, who, who, who?)
Tell me, who are you? (Who are you? Who, who, who, who?)
‘Cause I really wanna know (Who are you? Who, who, who, who?)~ The Who

An interesting question presented itself today. How do you define yourself? Is it by the people in your life? Your socio-economic status? Your kids? Your pets? Your faith? What adjectives do you attach to yourself? Do you care what adjectives others attach to you?

I looked through my “friends” list on a certain social media platform as well as in some of the “groups” I belong to on the same platform. Some people have chosen pseudonyms that reflect either what they identify with or perhaps how they feel about themselves. Some are whimsical, others are clearly well thought out. But, in the end, these are people who for whatever reason don’t want people to know “who” they really are.

Over the years, I’ve been “mom” to many, “George” to 10 years of Girl Scouts, friend, spouse, and family member to others. I’ve been a teacher, a volunteer, an advocate and a person with disabilities. With so many labels to choose from, it’s hard for some people to figure out “who” I am.

Yet, for me it is easy. I am a person. I have done things right and I’ve done things wrong. I’ve lived, loved and yes, even disliked. I don’t use the word hate, except in conjunction with Brussel sprouts. I’ve surmounted many challenges and failed a fair number too. In short, I’m just like every other person on this planet. I have no reason to hide my identity and no reason to be ashamed of who I am.

Does that mean I don’t attach adjectives to myself? Or accept the ones other people attach to me? Well, yes, I do. Sometimes, it’s a matter of convenience. When I was teaching in public school, I used “Mrs.” as my label with students. I still do when I’m working in an educational setting. I’m still George to a large group of people whose lives I touched through Girl Scouts. Those labels will always be a part of me because those activities were a significant part of my life. I’m still a mother who is blessed that her kids still speak to her, even after that horrid stretch of adolescence. None of these labels bother me, for they show that I’ve lived a rich life.

Yes, I have privacy settings for my online accounts. Not because I’m ashamed, but because I don’t feel the need to share details with people who may not have my best interests at heart. For me, that is a valid reason to keep information private. My real name? Not so much. I can type it into a search engine and I pop up within the first 25 hits. If you really want to take the snippets you know about me and search, it’s not that hard to find out who I am. I’m not in witness protection and have no police record, so why hide?

So who are YOU? Are you the sum of your experience like me? Or are you someone who feels that one experience defines them? Do you need to hide from the general public for security reasons or do you choose to remain anonymous out of principle? Do you trade your reputation on words or deeds?

Today, think about how you use labels to define yourself. Figure out what is truly important to you. Answer for yourself why you choose to be called a certain name and why you get angry or upset when others don’t follow your lead. Your family picked your birth name for a reason. Give equal thought to why you choose to be called something different. And don’t be surprised when people who have known you for a long time ask you why you changed your name.

(Based on an online discussion, 8/28/2013)

Love and Blood

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“Blood is thicker than water, but Love is thicker than Blood.”~ Garth Brooks

Recently many of my friends have asked what defines a family. Yes, some of this is in light of the debates around marriage rights. Others are estranged from their “blood” and are searching for ways to connect with other people. This question piqued my interest and I began asking my own questions about who is “family” in my life.

I often joke about the 7 circles of friendship I created in order to manage my social media. One platform gives me the option of “friends” or “acquaintances” as well as creating custom lists. I started my quest for answers by looking at how I had assigned the people I know on this platform. Interestingly enough, only three of my “blood” appear in my “family” list. The remainders are people I have met and gotten to know well enough that I’m comfortable sharing things with them. How did that happen?

Searching deeper into my motives for assigning people, I found that my comfort level of sharing personal information seemed to guide me in how I created my lists. So does that mean I’m not comfortable with my “blood?” After further consideration, I decided that was not the case. Rather, I’m more comfortable sharing things with people I have strong, consistent relationships with, whether in real life or via social media.

As I reflected on this nugget of information the realization that relationships are what makes us family dawned on me. Regardless of how people came into my life, their willingness to accept me for who I am and to build relationships with me placed them closer to my “inner circle” than other people. Don’t get me wrong, I care about all the people in my life. It’s just that some people have expressed a desire to stay connected while others have allowed the relationship to become one-sided. Sometimes I’m the one who made that decision.

In the end, I believe that Love is what makes us family. That deep feeling of fullness that other people bring into our lives is the kind of Love that binds us. It is this Love that helps us stick together through all the bumpy patches of life. How we find that kind of Love is the stuff that stories are made of. Many people have touched my life and I’m proud to call them friends. Those who have stayed in my life, working with me to bind ourselves together, are my family. We may not share our upbringings, “blood” or traditional family roots, but we have each other now and that is what keeps us strong.

Life happens, even when we’re not looking

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In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: it goes on~ Robert Frost

Life can be a tricky thing. It’s always full of surprises, some pleasant and some not so much. Remembering that what some consider pleasant, others consider absolutely horrible is a full-time job. I am constantly amazed at how different people take the same information and shape it to fit their needs.

For example, I raised two children who are on the Autism Spectrum and a third who has her own challenges. When one child was first diagnosed, people were shocked. When the second one was diagnosed, people starting asking me what I did wrong. Did I vaccinate them? Feed them mercury-laden fish? Drink alcohol while pregnant? Breathe in toxic fumes? How could I ever be successful raising three kids when two demanded so much attention?

The truth is, I didn’t “do” anything wrong. Despite what news stories you may have read, Autism happens across all demographics. I don’t believe there is any one thing that is the root “cause” of Autism. All the time spent wringing hands around why Autism occurs would, in my opinion, be better spent raising awareness. I don’t believe there is a cure unless we start messing with genetics. Then we assume that we aren’t going to muck something else up in the process and that is one heck of a slippery slope to start sliding down. So, learn something new. We all do, every day.

I’ll start off with a nugget of wisdom…If you’ve met one person with Autism, you’ve met exactly one person with Autism. Even my two kids, having the same diagnosis and being raised in the same environment, are vastly different from each other. They have different challenges, they learn different ways, they communicate in different styles and yet, they are so much alike. I believe that is because deep down, they are my children and have been shaped by how they were raised. The successful, caring young adults that all of my children have become is because of how they have lived their lives.

Shocking, I know. Life changes us in ways we never imagine. Sometimes, we don’t even notice the change has occurred until one day, we look back and say “whew, that was a wild ride!” We get up, we go about our day and then go to bed to start the cycle over again the next day. Yet, each day is different and how we take in the information and mold it to fit our needs changes us. From brilliant sunrise through the darkening hours, we are adapting and changing.

So, I challenge you. Learn something new today. Randomly type something into your search engine, like “official animal of Scotland” or “Dr. Robert Moog.” Use your search engine to find your Doppelganger (you can look that up too). Play, learn, live. Let new things into your life. I’ll bet you’re surprised by the way your life goes on, even as you’re changing.

Why oysters?

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A friend once told me that I am like an oyster…I take in a grain of sand and depending on what else happens, I either spit it right back out or allow it to grow into a pearl. I’m starting this blog to share the bits of sand and the pearls that make up my life. Sometimes, the sand does become a pearl. Other times, it’s just sand.

If you enjoy a variety of perspectives and a bit of storytelling, you’ve come to the right place. Welcome and I hope you’ll visit often!