Courage

That one word evokes some strong feelings. It makes us think about things. While most people don’t consider it a judgment, they use the word to judge others. Questions like “Exactly how is that courageous?” have people second guessing themselves.

I think about the people in my life. Courage is parents sitting beside their daughter who was in a head on collision with a semi-truck, not knowing what each day will bring. Courage can be found amongst my friends living with rare, disabling diseases including gastroparesis and Ehler-Danlos Syndrome. Courage is walking out of a doctor’s office and facing the world even though you’ve been dealt another blow.

Courage is with those taking one minute of life at a time as the learn to live with mental illness. For too long, society has hidden how much courage it takes to keep moving forward when every fiber of your being is screaming “enough!” Courage is talking about your own mental illness so you can help others. Courage is standing with those who are living with mental illness and supporting their journey. https://hpwritesblogs.wordpress.com/2015/06/18/www-thesemicolonproject-com/

Courage is being there for the youth in your life. It is 3AM wake up calls because a diabetic monitor went off. It is taking in a  youth who needs guidance, yet is unable to turn anywhere but to you. Courage is raising a child to see that they are priceless, even when others have written them off. Courage is accepting that different is not less. Courage is biting back the tears as your child is bullied yet again. Courage is building a helping village, brick by brick, knowing that not everyone will understand.

Courage is picking yourself up after being knocked over. It is seeing your own value and not allowing others to take that from you. Courage is continuing to improve yourself, even when you feel like you are as good as you can possibly get. Courage is recognizing that change is part of growth, no matter how painful.

Courage is helping your fellow humans reach their potential. It is being sensitive to the fact that different is not less. It is understanding that words hurt and should be used with care. Courage is being willing to help instead of shying away. Courage is compassion.

Let courage take root in your life. See the possibilities of being courageous. Consider all that you personally are living with and recognize that others have things going on in their lives to. Reach out. Be courageous and step out of your comfort zone. I think you will be amazed at what you discover.

Privacy

I’ve seen many posts on social media where a teacher or parent posts a picture asking you to share so people can see how far an image travels. It’s easy to forget that what we post on the Internet becomes public as soon as we hit “enter.”  There is no taking it back like in a conversation. Our words take on a life of their own.

Someone asked me why I don’t call my children by their given names when I post. Easy…they have an expectation of privacy. This little blog occasionally draws an audience and while I write mostly about myself, sometimes I do write about my kids.

I do think about what I write here. I read it several times before I hit “post.” I think through who I might offend. Whether  those offenses are worth speaking my mind. Nine times out of ten, I hit “post” because I’m writing what I feel at that moment. The tenth time, well, sometimes it is better to just let things go and hit “delete” instead.

Today, a social media friend posted about sex. I refrained from commenting, mainly because I feel the individual can post whatever they want on their page. As I read the comments, I was thinking about those pictures I mentioned above. Did this person really think through what that post meant?

It’s a public-setting post. Anyone who wants to see this person’s proclivities is welcome too. The person invited others into their living room and, um, their bedroom. One person commented about how some things should remain private. That person was quickly attacked by people who accused the commenter of “judging” and telling the page owner to shut up.

I guess I’m old. I agree that some things do not need to be publicized. This is very different from “stifling” people’s rights. If you want to put it out there, that’s your choice. But you also have to accept the consequences. That includes people stating they don’t agree with you. You gave up the right to clam indignation. You also expose yourself to countless ramifications, including future opportunities that could evaporate because people don’t agree with your posts.

So, your choice to post about anything you want. My choice to press that “unfriend” button when I no longer tolerate your posts. I’m allowed to make that choice. It’s not a judgment. It’s a choice the same as the one you made to post about your sex life. Don’t get yourself all up in arms. Accept that posting has consequences. Accept that when you post about adult topics, you open yourself to adult criticism.

And keep those pictures in mind before you hit “enter.” Your words will travel around the world several times before you blink. They may go places you never imagined. You are opening a window, or a door, into your life with each word you post. If you want privacy, don’t post unless that’s your plan. Then don’t complain when people make comments about your choices.

 

Graduation #3

Like the fool I am and I’ll always be
I’ve got a dream, I’ve got a dream
They can change their minds but they can’t change me
I’ve got a dream, I’ve got a dream
Well, I know I can share it if you want me to
If you’re going my way, I’ll go with you~ Jim Croce I Got a Name

Youngest graduates today. My dreamer. My traveling buddy. My old soul.

She’s grown so much. It’s hard to think of her as a young woman. I still remember tutus and beads. Mismatched clothes as a fashion statement. Standing up for other kids when she was in Kindergarten. The bumpy years of middle school where she learned that being true to yourself isn’t always easy.

Then high school. Trying different activities until you found your own rhythm. Discovering that what others wanted wasn’t what you needed. Speaking up and out about things that mattered to you. Growing and stretching at every opportunity until you passed your peers on so many levels.

Yes, my dreamer. Don’t ever stop dreaming. You are beautiful. You are kind. You are fierce. And love you.

Me and My Shadows

Oh, I’m bein’ followed by a moonshadow, moonshadow, moonshadow
Leapin and hoppin’ on a moonshadow, moonshadow, moonshadow~ Cat Stevens

By now, you may have figured out I have young adults under my roof. They’re in transition, not children but not quite adults. Trying to do adult things in a world that still sees them as children. It’s kind of funny because when I think back to when I was about their age, 18 really meant you were an adult.

Now, they are not. Our society still views them as children who need to be cared for. They must have co-signers on leases, credit cards and other financial documents, even though they have jobs that make them “not” dependents per the IRS. Laws have been put in place that prevent them from working in their chosen fields because they are too “young.” Two have college degrees. Both graduated with honors. All three would love to have a shot at jobs they are finding on the web sites. Alas, it is not to be right now because they are too young.

All three are old enough to fight for their country. So, they are old enough to put their lives in the line for the greater good, but not old enough to work at the local supermarket. Just ponder that for a few minutes. Now ask yourself why.

I’m not going to go into a litany of why our society is on this path. Everyone has ideas about that and I’m not up for politics today. I just find it very odd that we expect our children to do great things, yet as adults we have placed barriers in their path. I hear people complaining about how our youth have an entitlement problem. Yet, they have no other way to feel because we aren’t allowing them to find their own successes.

So, my shadows. I guess we have a few more years together.

Graduation #2

Don’t go changing, to try and please me
You never let me down before
Don’t imagine you’re too familiar
And I don’t see you anymore
I would not leave you in times of trouble
We never could have come this far
I took the good times, I’ll take the bad times
I’ll take you just the way you are~ Billy Joel, Just the Way You Are

I just smiled a little smile when I read those lyrics. Middle graduates today. I don’t know how much he remembers about the last 20 years. It’s been one heck of a ride. When I think back to age 3 when I was told to stop thinking you could ever be independent, I cry happy tears. I want to shout from the rooftops so all those who said you couldn’t can hear how you did.

It’s been a journey that took us all over the map. I learned so much from you. You shaped my life in ways I never would have imagined. Most parents think they’re changing their kid’s lives when in reality the kids are changing their parents.

Middle is a hold it close kind of guy right now. I want to respect that. So, know that the young man he has become is amazing. I am so very proud that you held true to your roots and managed to grow in ways no one ever imagined.

I’ll still be here, watching you soar. I hope you know that no matter what, I’ll love you just the way you are.

Graduation #1

She had that Honda loaded down.
With Abercrombie clothes and 15 pairs of shoes and his American Express.
He checked the oil and slammed the hood, said you’re good to go.
She hugged them both and headed off to the West Coast.~ Kenny Chesney There Goes My Life

Four years ago, Eldest set off a journey to gain knowledge that would lead to a career. The Honda was loaded down, although not with shoes. It was filled with hopes and dreams. Nervous energy as we drove away from her childhood home towards an unknown future three states away.

Here we are today, watching her graduate. I’m not supposed to elaborate on her studies, but she did good. She did not choose the easy path. Over the last four years, she tried her hand at different things and started figuring out what she wants to do after graduation.

Watching her shape her adulthood has been fun. She took parts of what she grew up with, added a generous splash of her new found interests and emerged a young adult. Eldest held onto the lessons of integrity and service that were she learned under our roof. This is not an easy task.

I’m proud of her. There’s still many paths to choose from and much personal growth to still happen. But, she’s come a long way from the kid who headed out four years ago. Join me in wishing her much success as she moves forward into her future. I love you Beanie Baby 🙂

Annoyed

In the past few days, a few things have happened that I find annoying. Most of these things are stuff that almost everyone is guilty of doing at some point. Others are things that are more specific to my personal pet peeves. Either way, here they are….

Children are not an excuse to use the handicapped restroom stall. That’s why most places have family restrooms. Take the time to find them.

Changing your baby’s diaper at the restaurant table is just gross. No further explanation.

Encouraging your child to approach me and ask to pet my service dog, who has a big patch that says do not pet clearly visible, is rude. And stupid.

Not all disabilities are visible. Nor do they need to be. Mind your own business.

Autistic does not mean stupid.

Autistic does not mean I don’t care.

Autistic does not mean I lack feelings or emotions.

Taking credit for someone else’s work is plagiarism.

Stepping on other people so you can be seen as #1 is childish, rude and uncalled for.

Assuming you know “all about” something because you read about it on the Internet makes you look silly.

Claiming you are something you are not makes you look silly.

Talking about something you have very little knowledge about is annoying, especially when the person you are talking to knows much more about the topic.

You can never have too much bacon.

It is better to ask questions than to ass-u-me.

Respect for diversity goes a long way.

We don’t have to agree. We do need to respect each other.

Every person has something to contribute. Never underestimate another person.

Remember, the “m” in masses is sometimes silent.

I prefer rainbows over blue lights any day of the week. Ask me why.

I am not “broken.” I do not need to be fixed or cured.

Blindly throwing money at things solves nothing. Do your research.

Ask. Respectfully. You’ll be amazed at what you learn.

You didn’t get to where you are in life without help from others.

There is no shame in ask for or needing help.

georgebernardshaw109542

 

 

 

Um, congrats?

Life is not fair. We should all know that by now. There is no way it can be given our different perspectives. What seems fair to me may seem patently unfair to you. Without going into the whole socio-economic debate, life is just not fair.

But how do we determine “not fair” versus “discrimination” in today’s world?

I’m physically disabled. Is it “not fair” that non-disabled people use the stall intended for disabled people? I’d say yes. I would happily pass every single thing wrong with me to an individual who wants that stall. I don’t considering children to be a disability. Use the family restroom please. I also don’t consider luggage or packages to be disabilities. They don’t get their own seat on public transportation or qualify someone as needing the extra space in a stall.

I’m Autistic. So are two of my children. Is it “not fair” or “discrimination” that we face daily as we navigate a world that some feel we don’t belong in? Both, from my perspective. The “not fair” part consists of stares, disparaging remarks, being left out and flat-out bullying. It would be great if these things magically went away. However, because we’re all different and we perceive things differently, they never will.

The “discrimination” part comes into play when non-Autistic people insist on denying Autistics a voice in the discussions about Autism. When parents pour bleach into their children’s bodies to “cure” them of Autism. When our communities fail to work with us to develop supports so we can be active participants. When our co-workers treat us differently because we wear the same style clothes all the time (itchy tags!) or have responses that aren’t what is expected. This is discrimination. This is determining that because of a different way of looking at the world, we are less than deserving.

I am not less than deserving. I am not “taking” anything away from anyone else just by thinking differently or needing some extra space in a stall. I am not in need of fixing, although I’m happy to try to learn more tools to cope with a world that is overwhelmingly intolerant of differences. I will keep trying to help people understand that different is good. If we were all the same, the world would be a very boring place.

Congratulations to those who feel the word is fair and just. That must feel pretty darn good. For the rest of us, we will continue to speak up. Louder and even louder so our voices can be heard over the din of those who would silence us.

 

Growth

Growth is a fact of life. We grow older. We grow taller. We hopefully grow smarter through our experiences.

Sometimes growth is forced upon us. Think of the square peg being pounded into a round hole.  Eventually the peg will fit, but at what cost? How much of  “you” gets broken off in the process?

 

worndown

Forever Young

And may sunshine and happiness
surround you when you’re far from home
And may you grow to be proud
Dignified and true
And do unto others
As you’d have done to you
Be courageous and be brave
And in my heart you’ll always stay
Forever Young, Forever Young~ Rod Stewart, Forever Young

Eldest has a birthday today. It was kind of surreal last week as I was at the hospital where she was born. The place has become so big I didn’t recognize anything. Time is funny like that. You forget details even though you remember the event.

coleenbaby2

I remember Eldest as a baby. The time she ate too many carrots and sweet potatoes. She turned orange and I thought it was jaundice. Frilly outfits. Her first “dance” in the living room. The curly hair. Oh, the curly hair.

coleencurly4

For a time, Eldest showed no fear….

coleen5

But she remained refined….

coleen3

I’m so very proud of her. In a few short weeks, she will embark upon the next stage of her life. I’m struggling with the words to say how grateful I am that she still calls me to talk about her day. I’ll receive a text asking a question or telling me what’s going on. I see a social media post that makes me smile.

coleen16

And when you finally fly away
I’ll be hoping that I served you well
For all the wisdom of a lifetime
No one can ever tell

But whatever road you choose
I’m right behind you, win or lose
Forever Young, Forever Young~ Rod Stewart, Forever Young