Category Archives: Life Happens

Place Palm Here

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Everything has been said before, but since nobody listens we have to keep going back and beginning all over again.~Andre Gide

I have spent the day explaining over and over to people why something needs to happen. Literally, the entire day. And I am no further in this quest than I was this morning. It seems that common sense really is a flower that doesn’t grow in every garden. The gardens of bureaucrats could sure use some re-seeding.

What now? I like metaphors, so imagine a rather large monkey wrench being thrown onto my set of train tracks. This wrench has the potential to, at a minimum, cause me to become more disabled. The stakes go up from there. It seems that efforts to reduce costs and “improve” efficiency have reached a level where policy is more important than people.

Yes, policy made by people in positions ranging from clerk to essentially CEO/COO has thrown my train of life off the track. Lest you think this has no effect on you, I will acknowledge that this involves healthcare which is something we should all be passionate about. In the name of progress, American healthcare is evolving. While some of the first ripples of this change are being felt by certain sectors of the public, those who receive any kind of medical benefit funded by the government are already experiencing great, sloshing waves. It seems this sector was designated as the roll-out platform. For some people this is wonderful news, at least for now. I just can’t wait until everyone gets to experience what happened to me.

People who only know my name and policy number decided that I was not deserving of care. People who have never met me, never spoken to me and most certainly never examined me decided that I was too expensive. What’s that you say? In 2014 you can’t be denied care because of pre-existing conditions! It seems no one noticed the standard of care is not defined. Yes, we will all be able to receive medical care. There is no guarantee it is the best care. There is absolutely no guarantee it is appropriate care. It, however, is guaranteed to meet the barest minimum of standards. And, since companies who offer “extended plans” will be assessed financial fines, we are all now guaranteed to receive the absolute minimum that can be provided.

For some people this medical care is more than they ever received and I am glad that many of my friends in the disability community will now receive care. Having had mediocre care for the last 23 years, I am now finding that the new standard is much, much lower than even my mediocre care. I surely did not realize how low the standard could go. Here I thought all the medical mistakes and oversights were just blips. It turns, out, those blips are defining my new standard of care. What I consider to be the low points of my medical experience are now appearing to be the high points. And the best part is…I get to pay MORE for less care. Wow, feels like socialism to me.

But, I digress. Congratulations to those who will receive benefits. It is indeed sad that we as a nation provided less care for our population than we did for the populations of other countries. No one should be shut out of healthcare because they can’t afford it. To the rest of us, welcome to the new standard. Unless you have the means to travel to private medical facilities and pay completely out-of-pocket for all your expense, your wake up call is coming.

Change

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I’m just preparing my impromptu remarks.~ Winston Churchill

I recently had to opportunity to pass the reins of leadership to another person. I had been heavily involved in a non-profit organization. Finding out that my near future would make it almost impossible for me to continue leading, I stepped out of that role. It may have come as a surprise to the next person in charge, but I’m a huge fan of on the job training. In my experience, nothing drags an organization down faster than staying after you have done your job.

Letting go can be hard. I know a great many people who cling to the past, not realizing that it is time to move forward. Time to change. Time to let go. As a parent, I’ve had to learn this over and over again, usually because one of my children has informed me, in no uncertain terms, that my presence is no longer necessary. In retrospect, that means I’ve done my job. My kids can fly solo, or at least with minimal guidance from ground control.

Back to the non-profit. I am very pleased to say that by stepping aside, the new leadership can and has started moving forward. There comes a time when you become an obstacle to growth and stepping aside allows change to occur. I still keep an eye on things, but it is wonderful to see the direction things are going now. And, on the selfish side, I love that it’s not all “on me” now.

Never fear change. Change forces you to grow and expand your thought processes. Change grants you the opportunity to see success in other parts of your life. Instead of dreading it, embrace change and see where it takes you. Change is like a small child, ready to show you the world from a new perspective. Take the hand being extended to you and go find out what lies ahead.

Forgive and forget?

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Forgiveness is not for the other person, forgiveness is for you~ Bill Ferguson

For some unknown reason, I found myself visiting the church I attended as a child today. I’m not going to launch into a “God led me there” discussion. We all have our beliefs and I want to focus on what I found there. If you’re expecting me to say I found my salvation, I’m afraid you will be disappointed. You see, God and I have had an on-again/off-again relationship for over 30 years. It’s never been a question of God, but rather organized religion as THE guiding light of my life.

It is so simple to proclaim your religious affiliation. It is much harder to live your faith. I was raised in a traditional church and can still recite the service almost verbatim. I know when to sit and when to stand. When to sing and when to bow my head are all part of my upbringing. But, what about my faith? Do I blindly believe the words I can recite from memory? No, I do not.

The Christian Bible, as well as many other religions, proclaim that forgiveness is a path to salvation. By forgiving, we are showing God’s mercy. My question is, for whom? If I forgive “those who trespass against us,” and I’m doing it for God, how do I know that is what God wants? I can interpret what happens in my life in light of the belief that this is all God’s will, but how do I know?

My answer is, I don’t. As I sat through the lightly attended service, I started reminiscing about my past relationship with this particular community. I could “see” the ghosts of the adults who made up the village that helped raise me. At certain moments, it felt like those people were physically present as we said the words proscribed by my religion. Did all those people do God’s will? I don’t think so. They lived their lives as human beings who make mistakes ad try to right their wrongs. They had faith that despite their mistakes, they were good people.

I know at least one of them was not. I’ve held onto that grudge for 30 years. You’ll just have to trust me that the individual really earned a special place in the afterlife. This hatred (and as I previously mentioned, I don’t generally use the word hate) of one individual came flooding back as I recited the words from my childhood. So there I was, worshipping in a location that was the cause of so much pain in my life. And I made a choice.

I chose to let go of the hate. In those quiet moments this evening, I chose to forgive this person. I chose to stop giving this person so much control over my life. I banished that particular ghost from my past. It doesn’t feel like an enormous weight has been lifted. It’s more like I’ve taken a big step forward. Like all decisions, it will take time to work its way into my life. But, it’s a start.

The individual I held responsible for some pretty reprehensible things is long gone. Tonight, I forgave that person. Tonight, I set two people free. Tonight, I decided to “forgive those who trespass against us” and to allow myself to move forward. Because forgiveness isn’t for the ghosts, it’s for the living.

The Disability Card

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Just Joe

I didn’t used to be disabled. To most people, I don’t even look disabled. I get funny looks when I step out of my car after parking in a marked space. Of course, then they see my service dog and start making assumptions. I have even had people say very loudly “How does a blind person get a driver’s license?” The facepalm moments I experience everyday make my head hurt.

But what’s worse is when people start to play the “Disability Olympics” with me. It’s this ongoing contest to determine who has the most disabilities or is the “sickest” amongst a group of people. Like there is some kind of Gold medal for winning at being sick. Some people in the disability community take these Olympics very seriously, becoming upset if someone tries to out-compete them. Sometimes even complete strangers will try to engage me in stores, assuming that since I have a service dog I will be willing to play the game.

Having a disability does make me more empathetic towards people in general. I am more likely to share a smile or chat with someone who seems lonely. My service dog opens people’s eyes to the possibility that they too are fragile, subject to the whims of life. It does not, however, make me a disability. I am still a person. I have feelings, hopes and dreams. Aside from my frailties, I’m just like every other person on this rock we call home.

So why do I find myself getting angry when someone pulls out the “disability card?” First, you need to understand what I mean by pulling this card. It’s like when there’s a flu bug going around the office and everyone is comparing how long they were out and how awful they felt. Then someone else comes back and loudly pronounces that they had the flu “worse” than anyone else. When it comes to disabilities, that card is supposed to show everyone that the person pulling it is the MOST disabled person in the room.

I believe everyone has strengths and everyone has disabilities. We are all capable of great things, regardless of the hand that life has dealt us. Some parts of my life are incredibly easy. Others are incredibly difficult. The only thing I compare myself to is my own ability to do something. Yes, that sounds so clichéd but it’s the way I roll. For the most part, I have nothing to prove other than I am competent at the tasks I undertake. Whether someone does something “better” than me is irrelevant. Their life is different from mine and as such, they can bring different experiences to whatever project is on the table. It’s not a competition.

The next time you are comparing yourself to someone else, ask yourself why. Why is it important to have that person’s approval? Why do you “NEED” to be right? Is it worth the emotional energy? Chances are, it’s not.