In case you were wondering…

I learned a lot yesterday. I got my rear end kicked to the stars and in the next breath I was told how important life lessons were. I’m so incredible sick and tired of being told how important life lessons are. I’m also sick and tired of people who feel the need to force me into those positions.

I’m actually a rather introverted person. A “you do you” kind of person. I ask permission before I speak or act on someone’s behalf. I step over the line of ants faithfully marching on the sidewalk. I take in strays, physical and virtual. My heart hurts for things I have no control over. .

But, I do advocate loudly. I will always advocate for my children. They had a hard time getting through public schools. Yes, they had “life lesson” days like the one time my youngest wanted to wear a rather complicated outfit that didn’t come anywhere close to “matching,” but it didn’t violate the dress code, so off she went. She survived. Natural consequences is probably a better term.

But, I had a medical provider draw glee from forcing me into a “life lesson.” Even better, his supervisor seemed to draw glee as well. These are supposed to be the helpers. Yesterday did not help.

The lesson they felt I needed was that I advocate for myself too much and too loudly. I have 22 known drug allergies. 9 known medical conditions. If I don’t speak up for me, what will happen? I don’t know, but I do know that asking for a chart review is “too much” to ask. To ask for information about a situation just gave me a great view of Earth as I flew to the stars when they were done.

Yes, I’m down again. My heart and soul are hurting again. I’m grieving yet again. But, I’m told that is my choice. That I need a thicker skin. Come a step closer…I grieve every loss real and virtual. I guess whoever reads this now knows my Achille’s heel.

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